Three Stages of the Ego & The Need for Spiritual Practices

By Jamal Rahman

It is said that in order to become a more complete and developed human being, we have no choice but to transform our ego. With regard to this process, one can talk of three stages of the ego.

The first stage is where we realize that the ego is like a commanding master and wants to always be in control. Sometimes, our ego inclines us towards wrongdoing. To prevent this, we must be constantly vigilant through the practice of compassionate self-witnessing. Make it a lifelong practice to constantly witness yourself, always with mercy for yourself. When you notice your ego leading you astray, speak to yourself with firmness and gentleness, like a kind parent would do. Remember that you are more than your ego, which is nothing more than a bundle of conditioned reactions to life’s circumstances. Within you is also your divine spark, your higher self. It is our sacred duty to place our higher self, not our ego, in charge of our life. This first stage of transforming the ego requires continuous, compassionate self-awareness.

The second stage of the ego is when we discover that we have a conscience and can make choices. We are asked to participate fully in the experiences of life and practice discernment by consulting our conscience. If we make mistakes, we can learn and grow from our missteps. Through self-awareness and discernment, we empower our higher self to tame the ego and to give it guidance and direction.

The third stage of the ego is when we realize that it is a lifelong practice to continuously align the shadow aspects of our ego-personality with our higher self. Using awareness, compassion, discernment and unceasing effort, we bring our ego closer and closer to our higher self. This enduring work brings peace our soul. A wonderful verse by Rumi says, “Marry your soul. That wedding is the way.”

There is a very important point of the ego that should be kept in mind. The ego is a necessary instrument of the soul. We need the ego to function in life. The ego cannot be destroyed. But it can be tamed. Rumi gives a very beautiful example in this regard. The ego is like a flame of a candle. We need the flame of the candle to find our way in the dark. But once we come into the land of the radiant sun, the candle’s flame is subsumed in the luminous light of the sun. In that sense, it is annihilated, but it is still alive—if you take a bit of cotton or a piece of cloth and put it to the flame, it will catch fire, indicating that it still exists.

So, our lifelong work is to make the exertion and go through the three stages of the ego. To summarize, we need to tame our ego through spiritual practices, transforming it from a commanding master into our personal assistant.

(The author, who is based in Seattle, USA, is one of the founders of the Interfaith Community Sanctuary)